We could be heroes: Drivers as comic book heroes

And we're back! Let's welcome Socratic NASCAR's new contributor Mayor Jimmy, a veteran of way more racing-related blogging than me.

I had this idea back when Jr had the Dark Knight Rises paint scheme, but then he won and I got distracted. If Dale Jr were a comic book hero, he'd have to be Batman, right? I mean, losing his father, having to prove himself to be more than a rich kid, all that? So that got me thinking what other comic book heroes the other drivers would be. But my knowledge of comic book heroes is basically from Hollywood, so I'm sure there are subtleties I'm missing. One thing is certain, though - Tony Stewart IS Wolverine. That can't be up for debate. 

So, which comic book heroes would various drivers be? Okay, Mayor Jimmy - GO:

Mayor Jimmy says:

Tony Stewart/Wolverine

This was Sara's "must have" and actually it's a pretty spot on match.  Bad-boy looks, very quick temper, but one other good comparison Sara didn't even know about.  Wolverine is Canadian and back in the days before he joined the X-men (but before he was Weapon X) he rolled with Canada's Department H which deployed a Canadian superhero team Alpha Flight.  They pop up on the radar every once in a while.  So does Wolverine's Weapon X days.  Still with me? 

Okay good.  So the reason this translates to Tony so well, is because Tony also started out somewhere other than where he is today: Sprint Cars (by which I mean F1).  That too pops up on the radar once in a while in the form of the Indy 500 usually.  Well, Wolverine gained his primary popularity in X-men lore and Tony has gained his in NASCAR. BAM.

 

Michael Waltrip/Aquaman

This pick was mostly because Waltrip is a king when it comes to endorsements and plugging sponsors.  Seriously, there's nobody better.  Just as Aquaman is King of the sea.  Remove Michael from his kingdom and put him on a track, he's a fish out of water.  Sure they both have occasional moments where they shine, but otherwise Aquaman is taken as seriously out of water as Michael is outside a commercial.

Dale Jr/Wally West (Flash)

I'm more specific about him being Wally West in that West is actually the third incarnation of The Flash.
 

West actually started out as Kid Flash, the sidekick of Barry Allen, who was Flash since the 50s.  Like recent NASCAR fans with Jr as “Earnhardt,” West is probably who most recent comic fans would know as “The Flash”.  I mean c'mon, all that's missing is Jr to have started his career as “Kid Earnhardt” right?  

I had thought about using Black Panther due to him being someone born into royalty, had his father die early, tried to separate himself from his kingdom to forge his own identity (Black Panther joining the Avengers, Jr leaving DEI), but Black Panther isn't mainstream enough.  Sara suggested Batman due to parental death and trying to shed the rich boy image. Only problem I see in that one is that Jr's dad dying isn't what made him go into racing; he was already doing it.  Also, Bruce Wayne doesn't shy from his spoiled rich image.  He embraces it to make people realizing he's Batman harder.  Think about it, if I told you Paris Hilton was secretly a crime fighter, how hard would you laugh?  Flash however, he's a big name in comics and the flash "family" has been around a while.

 

Jimmie Johnson/Lex Luthor

He's a businessman at the top of his game. He goes into the boardroom and he gets it done.  Johnson gets it done on the track.  Like Luthor closing deals, Johnson wins titles. HOWEVER......  we know there's a hidden story.  We know behind it all, there are backroom deals.  Cheating happens.  Publicly, we can't even implicate him in it.  Lex always finds a way out usually by finding others to take the fall.  We all know who Jimmie has to take the fall.

 

Busch Brothers/Punisher

I wanted to separate them, but honestly, they're both the same thing.  Trouble.  Pure, unapologetic, trouble. They have their missions, they don't care who they cheese off in pursuit of the goal.  Everyone knows they're trouble.  During the Marvel event known as Civil War (which totally sucked –  It was comic book pretentiousness at its highest) Captain America got desperate and recruited the Punisher.  He was also about to make a deal with a couple minor super-villians when Punisher walked in and gunned them down.  Cap knocked Punisher around as Punisher told him “you lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas.”  Same thing goes for all these sponsors who try and act shocked when one of these yahoos opens his mouth and embarrasses them.

...

More drivers/heroes to come. For now, what do you think?

 

Socratic NASCAR, part II: NASCAR is mad, y'all

Another one from the old blog, Side of the Road, who does not like being called "the old blog" and would prefer "The Mothership." Read the original here.

Just because I enjoyed the first part so much...

(...and, again, apologies for being so slow. Adjustment to new job is kicking my a**.)

But it turns out that NASCAR has given this story a few days' more legs by fining Kyle Busch $50,000 for wrecking Ron Hornaday Jr. last Friday, after parking Busch for the Saturday Nationwide and Sunday Cup races. Oh, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled...but on an intellectual level I understand that there's stuff I should work out.

You were super-happy to hear that Kyle Busch couldn't compete Saturday or Sunday. You gloated, and you know it.
Yep. Guilty. It's about time NASCAR stopped treating this punk like the Lovable Scamp Who Gosh Darn It Just Wants to Drive Racecars (trademark pending)! and started treating him like they would anyone else who blatantly wrecked another driver. Wasn't Busch on probation once already this year? It's not like Jeff Burton or Elliott Sadler went out there and crashed someone.

But the fact that it was Kyle Busch HAS to be affecting your reaction at least a little, right?
I think that's fair. I can't tell a lie - after days of parsing by how many spaces Dale Jr. would have to finish ahead of Busch in order to move up in the standings, learning that Busch would essentially be scoreless in one race was a "pinch me, I'm dreaming" moment. It helped that Kurt Busch also finished the perfect number of places behind Dale Jr., so my driver ended up gaining not just one spot in the points, but two. I freely admit that I'm not objective when it comes to either my favorite or least favorite drivers. Who is? If this had been Harvick or Stewart being parked, I'd have been pissed.

Parking him for the whole weekend, and then a fine on top of it? C'mon, that's extreme.
I disagree. Again, this is not a driver with a clean record. Busch has been stacking straws on the back of this camel for a long time, on and off the track. And we can't forget that the motorsports world doesn't operate in a vacuum. Two-time Indy 500 champ Dan Wheldon died in an in-race crash two weeks ago. Sunday, while Busch was not getting ready for a race at Texas, Motocross racer Jim McNeil died in an exhibition outside. People die in this sport. Wrecks will happen, but intentionally crashing someone head-on into a wall at full speed can't be tolerated. Ever.

Yeah, but would NASCAR have penalized Busch to this extent if he'd been higher than 7th in points?
That I can't answer... but I'll bet the powers-that-be are glad that they don't have to answer it either. It's one thing to say, yes, we absolutely treat every driver the same... and another to know that your subjectively applied penalty surely cost someone a championship (and potentially sponsors and/or a ride). But race fans argue all the time about how debris cautions or penalties cost their drivers. Football fans gripe about holding and PI calls; baseball fans gripe about strikes; basketball fans call foul on fouls. A little subjectivity is what makes sports interesting.

...Are you still gloating?
Yes.

Socratic NASCAR

This post was originally published on Side of the Road on June 7, 2011, which is also my birthday so I have no idea why I was blogging about Kyle fracking Busch. It's very special because its concept and title led to me starting this blog. Read the original post here.

I have started this post about five different times. Each time, I start out trying to be even-handed, fair and detached… and after a few hundred words I find myself typing some variation of, “If I had $150,000, I’d punch Kyle Busch in the face, too.”

Let’s have a Socratic dialogue (multi-logue?) between the many warring factions of my conscience:

Obviously, Richard Childress was wrong to put Kyle Busch in a headlock and punch him repeatedly following last weekend’s truck race. Physical violence is wrong.
Well, yeah. And that’s why NASCAR was right to fine Childress $150,000. For one, Childress is an owner and Busch a driver. They aren’t peers in this case.

Ah, power differential. Discussion of relative privilege in the garage. Fun!
Sort of. This is one of the reasons that, as much as I can’t stand Kyle Busch, I’m not in the “Let’s all high-five Richard Childress” camp. Do we really want to set a precedent that it’s okay (at least in fans’ eyes) for an owner to beat up another team’s driver? Sure, this time it was the driver a lot of fans despise and the owner a lot of fans respect, but what about next time?

Hey, now. Kyle Busch isn’t exactly “underprivileged.”
True. It seems, judging by various accounts, that what pushed Childress over the edge was what he saw as Busch’s mistreatment of Joey Coulter. It was Coulter’s eighth start in the Trucks Series –

Exactly! Kyle Busch has been driving full-time in the Cup Series for years, and he picks on an inexperienced kid.
Don’t interrupt.

Sorry.
As I was saying, Busch slammed Coulter’s truck after the race was over – I know you want to say something, but hold on – so, I think in Childress’ view he was defending someone who didn’t have the clout to defend himself. Just like the kid who finally whales on the schoolyard bully who’s been picking on the first-graders, he’s going to have to do his time in the principal’s office.

Can I talk now?
Go ahead.

Busch is supposedly on probation for that incident at Darlington where he ran Kevin Harvick’s car into the wall, also after the race. Why isn’t bumping Coulter his last strike?
Um, is my name Mike Helton? How do I know? My guess would be that Busch’s actions took place on the track, and therefore fall under the “boys, have at it” exemption. You may think Busch was being overly aggressive, or you may think that he was exercising the privileges that come with experience, as other drivers have done since this sport began. But NASCAR is clearly trying to move back to a time when drivers governed the on-track society and enforced mutually developed group norms.

I’m sorry, what?
Sorry. I wrote my undergrad thesis analyzing NASCAR fans as a subculture, and I’m still fascinated by how people form group identities, how they decide what’s “normal” within the group and how they handle “deviant” behavior –

Alrighty then…
Anyway, I guess my takeaway is that I’m glad Busch got his ass beat, while not being seriously injured. Apparently nothing else was getting through to him, so maybe this will. Pretty much every driver goes through a cocky punk stage, and Busch is has too much talent to keep making me hate him so much.

Say something nice about Kyle Busch.

Ok, I can handle this one. Yes, Busch is now the guy who got beat up by someone’s grandpa. But if he’d hit Childress back, well that definitely would’ve violated his probation, not to mention permanently black-flagged him for all but the most unrepentantly douchey fans. If that was a deliberate decision, it was a good one. I also like that he’s let NASCAR handle this without any public whining.